Sad Day

Since no one comments anymore this is more like a journal for me, so I am just going to write like it...
Today was a really hard day at work. I knew this day would come but I have not looked forward to it. I had a baby die today, and we didn't know it was going to happen beforehand. We knew the baby had some brain defects which is why the patient was getting a c-section. She was a young 17 year old mom that had had a hard life as well. But when the baby was born it had no skull to hold the brain in, which is gross, but a deadly defect. Basically the baby can survive for a time because the brain stem is still intact, but there is no hope for life. So the baby lived for 3 1/2 hours, with me checking for a heart rate periodically. Then I had to be the one to tell the parents when it eventually passed. The family was hysterical when they found out their baby was going to die. I almost lost it many times, but had to hold it together for their sake. It was so sad. I tried to be as caring and comforting as possible, and the patient got really attached to me. But there is only so much you can do. My heart aches for them. They were too young to know such tragedy. It is a situation that I cannot fix. I cannot take that hurt away. This is the really really sad part of my job. I hate it. I like that my job is so happy most of the time. But life does not always work out happily, so you just have to deal with it. I just feel so bad for that family. It really makes you put your own problems into perspective and realize how many blessings you have when you see such tragedy and are so close to it. Just the way she looked at me asking for some help almost broke my heart. She wanted some hope, and there was nothing there to offer. She is definitely in my thoughts and prayers. What a hard day...